12 Happiness

I have been struggling with happiness a lot this past week. I put on a huge front and I pulled it off fairly well. Most everyone thought that I was okay and was doing fine. For the most part, I was okay but inside I was hurting. I did not want to show that I was hurting and I was doing my best to bury the problem within me and trying to avoid it.

Yesterday i was questioned about about my issue. This made me unbury it and start to deal with it. Yes, it definitely hurt but it was the best thing for me. I was given some very helpful advice and am doing my best to take that advice. Today, I faced the same issue with someone closer to the issue at heart. This really helped me a lot and I feel so much better than I have in a while. This certain advice was the Bible verse Psalm37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

I have been given this advice before, but not anytime recently. I needed to hear it once more. I am very thankful for my Godly friends and mentors and the advice that God gives them for me. So hopefully now, with God's loving help, kindness, and peace, I am moving on; out and away from this issue for good. Never to go back and pick it up again. I will be relying on God and trusting in Him for my happiness. I will not be looking at anything or anyone person again.

11 Life

Life is a very precious thing. You only get it once. It will never come back around to you. Once a moment is over in your life, you will never be able to get it back. You have to keep moving on and look forward to the next one.

No matter what life gives you, good or bad, take it and roll with it. Make it the best that it can possibly be. If you get something good, enjoy it while it lasts. If something bad or not so good comes your way, go with it and get through it as you look forward for the next good moment headed your way.

Do not live in the past. You will never get anywhere that way. Definitely learn and gain wisdom from the things that happened to you. You have to realize that they will never change. They will always be there. Grow from these experiences. They were given to you for a reason. Figure that out and use it in future decisions if it applies.

With that said, make wise choices for your future. You may not be sure as to how you want your future to go, but trust and pray to God that you are making the right decisions. If you turn to Him, you will not go down the wrong path. He may let some things come into your life that are not very enjoyable, but He will never give you anything that you would not be able to handle or overcome. He also wants to see you turn to Him whether in your times of trouble, sadness, joy, or happiness. He wants to be a part of your life. He wants to be your best friend and to be the love of your life. God wants to be your reason for living. Live your life for Christ and learn to lean on Him.

10 Giving It All

Have you ever felt like you are sick and tired of dealing with something? i sure have felt like that many times. It is not a good feeling at all. I really began to feel that way this week. It just seemed like everything hit me all at one time.

My whole out look changed in the course of one week. At the beginning of the week, everything in my life was fine and dandy. I had everything under control. By Tuesday and Wednesday, I felt as if everything was starting to go in a downward flaming spiral. The major thing that started this spiral was being questioned on what I knew for a fact of my future. This also made me question if it was truly fact or not. It made me want to fix it and make sure that it was fact, but in reality, there was nothing that I could do about it. Wednesday night I went to church. During the worship portion of the service, I realized that I needed to hand all of my issues over to God. Since that moment, I have felt a peace for the rest of the week. Nothing has really changed except that I handed all of my problems over to God. The situation is still the same and uncertain and most likely will be for a long time, but that is okay because I do know that God will handle it all in His own way. That will be the best way and the best thing for me.

This is at least the third time that I have went back and picked up this same issue and tried to fix it myself. No matter what I did to try to fix it, all I could do was make it all the worse. Now that I have given it over to God, the only thing i can do and am happy to do, is pray about the situation. I know that what I am about to challenge you to do is easier said than done, but I still am going to give it to you anyway. I want to challenge you to give up all of your issues. Turn them over to God and leave them with Him. Do not go back and pick them back up and try and fix them again. Leave it to Him, He knows what He is doing and He knows the future. God knows how everything will turn out in the end.

9 Actions Do Have Consequences

For every choice that you make there will be a reaction that comes along with that. This happens a lot of the time without you even realizing that it is happening. the reactions or better known as consequences, can be small and seem not to affect or life or they could be huge and completely change the course of your life. It is up to you as to what kind of consequences that you want to come into your life.

One of my really good friends is getting married this weekend. Just a few weeks ago she found out that she was pregnant. This is not the way that she wanted her life to go. She made the choice though so now she has to live with the outcome of that choice. This has completely changed her life around. It may have not been the path that God had intended for her, but He can turn anything around and make it useful for the glory of His kingdom.

Remember this, no matter how bad that you mess up, God will always be there to catch you, and He will always forgive you. So pay attention to the choices that you make, and try to stay on the path that God has intended for your life. If your not sure what that path is, then pray to Him and talk to Him about that. Once you have found out what it is though, pursue that with all of your life and heart and do your best to never defer from it. The path that He has planned out just for you, will always be the best way for you to choose to go.

8 Keepin in Check

Being in control of your temper can be a really hard thing to do. You might be able to keep it for a while, but if you keep holding it all in, you will eventually explode on people, even people who possibly had nothing to do with your issue. This is never good for a friendship. We feel as if we should be able to stay in control of our emotions at all times, but that is rarely the case. Normally, emotions will get the best of a person.

I was watching a game earlier today. It was a pretty good game too. One of the players started trash talking and started getting excited. The opposing player stayed calm and collected. On the next play, the excited player got a foul called on him. He almost went crazy. He kept trash talking the calm player and then started to trash talk the referee. The referee was not going to take this. He gave the player a technical foul.

I said all of that to say that if you do not keep your temper in check, it can get you in some serious trouble that is very easily avoidable. So for the next week at least, I challenge you to think about what you are going to say before you say it. It could cause some very bad damage to friends and it could cause trouble that you do not want also.

7 Honestly?

How many times has someone told you a "little white lie" and you realized it? How many times have you caught yourself telling one? Even better, how many times have you told one and not realized that you told one till after the fact? That is a harsh realization that I have just come to recently. You may think that they are harmless, but sometimes they really can hurt people. You should know this if you have caught someone telling one to you. It makes you want to question their friendship. It makes you wonder what else that they have told you that is a lie. You begin to quit trusting in them and start questioning everything that they tell you.

I am sending this as a warning and to remind you to keep a check on yourself about telling "little white lies". This past week i had the viewpoint of a fly on the wall in a white lie situation. It made me think about myself. Right off hand I would have said that "no, I don't lie", but as I thought about it, I realize that I do tell little white lies, or that I don't tell the complete truth. This felt like a stab in the gut. I do not like knowing that I have not been a completely honest person. Eventually it will come back around and possible stab me in the back and then I will be in a worse situation than I started out in.

Just remember that the next time that you start to tell a lie to someone, try to think ahead and see the outcome of what you are about to say. It may look fine and dandy to you, but look at it from the other persons point of view. Put yourself in their position, and try to feel the emotions that they would feel if they knew that you were lying to them.

6 Lost and Found

This week has been a rough week for me. I knew that it was coming, and was dreading it and kept trying to ignore it...it finally came anyway though. My best friend left for Iraq yesterday afternoon. Before he left, he called me and we talked for a few minutes. That was one of the hardest conversations that i have every had. I guess one thing that made it even harder was knowing that I might never talk to him again. He has always been there for me whenever I needed to talk to anyone. He was always the first person that I would go to. That was really hard to grasp last night because he was not there last night when I needed a shoulder. He had already turned his phone in and I knew that.

I felt as if I had no where to turn to. My roommate was asleep so I did not want to wake her up, I really did not want to talk to anybody back home about it just because I did not want to have to explain what was wrong with me over the phone (it would have frustrated me even more), and I did not want to talk to anybody here about it because I knew that they would not know the story and would not understand. I called his grandmother. You may think that this is weird, but Grandmama is one cool lady. She realized what was wrong with me and started to calm me down. After she finished that, she told me what she had just finished doing right before I had called. She told me that she had just finished reading Psalm 91. I knew that a lot of his friends and family were starting to read this chapter for him every day that he was going to be gone, but it had never occured to me that I needed to read it until Grandmama pointed this out to me. It was exactly what I needed.

She pointed to the one Person that I needed to go to in the first place. The one Person that I was avoiding going to...God. After we hung up, I went and read Psalm 91. It helped me so much. It made me realize that God was in control and would take care of everything in His own time and will. So by losing a friend temporarily, I have gained a Friend that will never leave me and will always be there for me.

5 Bootcamp For Me (PT)

Since coming here, my physical training has gone down tremendously. At home I had people that i would run with or work out with. Here, I have been trying to do those things on my own and lost my motivation. I have to have someone to compete with, not to prove that I am better than they are ( which would be nice), but to push me on, motivating me, making myself think that I can and am able to do more than my body is wanting to do.
Last night I was talking to my friend that is in the Marines and was telling him my predicament. He has decided to put me in "boot camp". He has given me goals to reach and a time limit to reach them in. They are not unreasonable goals, but they are challenging. He also has given me dates to have a "progress report" turned in help keep me accountable. If I did not want to be physically fit, there would be no way that I would even attempt to do this.
I know that by deciding to do this, I will defiantly get back into the shape that I want and used to be in. The main point for writing all of this though, was to say, don't lose your motivation for whatever you are trying to do. If you do lose it, figure out some way to get it back. It is a hard and gruesome process to go through life without motivation. When you do get motivation, use that to help you to accomplish your dreams in life.

4 A Purpose for Life

One of my best friends is a Marine and he came home this past weekend for the last time before he ships out. One of our discussions was about life. He told me that he is ready and prepared to die. He is no longer afraid to die. He is not suicidal or anything, but he has accomplished everything on earth that he has wanted to and is prepared to die.
His point of view really shocked me. I had never seen life in that perspective before. It made me reflect on my own life and I realized that if i had to die right now, I would not be ready to go. I am a Christian and say so proudly, but I do not feel like I have accomplished everything that God has wanted me to accomplish. Even simple things, such as being upset with someone and never being able to tell them my last thoughts or that I had forgiven them and love them. I would not be able to go without having any regrets and that is not a good feeling. I know you have probably heard this before, but you are NOT guaranteed the next breath. I was taking simple things such as that for granted. If you really think about that, it can be a scary thought.
I want to challenge you to start learning to not take simple facts of life for granted. Your whole outlook on life will change. Be prepared for your time to go. Don't go around being paranoid, but be aware that it is possible. Live life to the fullest, love God, find your purpose, and fulfill it.

3 All in the Family

Wow! I am going home to Alabama this weekend. It is a bitter-sweet emotion for me right now. I am loving it here and enjoying being out on my own. At the same time, I do miss my family and friends back home and I do want to see them.
I am glad to be building new friendships and getting to hang out with new people. These new people make me feel like I am at home and they make me feel like I am now part of their family as well. I love the feeling of belonging, even though I am not at home. The people here are doing a very good job of making that feeling possible. I thank you so much for that.
Back home, everyone is missing me terribly but they are starting to make it fine without me. It is a weird feeling knowing that they do not need me, but it is comforting to know that at the same time. It is also nice that everyone back home will still be there for me if i every need them as well as the people here are there for me now to be there when I need someone. They are like my new family and I feel like they love me very much.
I really think that it is neat how God loves me so much that He has provided this new family for me. I know that they are now in my life because God has a purpose for them in my life, and I am very excited to see the impact that they will have on my life.

2 Staying Ahead of the Game

There is getting to be more and more homework and just plain studying to do as each day passes. Coming from having hardly any real responsibilities, it is taking getting some use to get my homework and studies done before going out and doing other things that are no where near as important. I guess the word would be to prioritize. This coming up week, I have three tests and five other assigments that are due, including this one. I had been doing kind of okay with the whole responsibility thing and prioritizing, but this weekend... I decided to be lazy and do nothing but watch movies with my roommate and hang out with a friend from out of town.
Now I am starting to see the need to use most of my free time to work on my homework or work on my studies or sleep! So thankfully it is not to late to start prioritizing for this coming up week, just a little later than I would have wanted. Oh well, at least I am somewhat starting to realize that I need to get my responsibilities straight and start prioritizing early in the year instead of later in the year.
I have started writing all of my homework assigments and tests dates down and study times, so hopefully that will help alot. Also that way I will not accedentally forget something and try to put the blame over on someone else. So that is a great way to start with the whole responsibility thing. Along the lines of prioritizing, I will just have to start making smarter decissions and choices.

1 Not the Best Week Ever

I was so excited about actually going to be able to come to college and just starting another and new part of my life. My first couple of days were absolutely fantastic. I was enjoying myself very much. But some things went down back home after I got here and were starting to effect me and my outlook and everything here and around me. Every time that I would get a phone call I would dread that it would be someone from home and I really didn't want to talk to anyone at all. I wouldn't say that I was depressed, but I definitely was down, and letting everything that was happening in my life back home eat away at me.
This past week I have come to realize that I can't let anything effect me from back home because there is nothing that I can do about it even if I wanted to. So emotionally I started to try to get myself back on my feet so to say because I had been screwed up inside more than I had been in a while. This was somewhat successful but I still was feeling awful.
Then Wednesday I went to youth group at church. The speaker started talking about purpose and vision. I realized that I really hadn't thought of either one of these items, and it really hit me hard. It meant so much to me because I hadn't really thought about finding a purpose or a vision for my life. I just always sort of went with go with the flow. Go where ever life takes me. But at that point, I did realize that my purpose was not to worry about what went on back home, but instead to study and to get to know people and start to make friends. As far as vision goes, I am still looking for that right now. I really have no clue what I want my vision to be. But I do definitely know that I don't just want to go with the flow anymore I actually want to do something important and meaningful with my life.